Monday, 23 August 2010

Sunday Scribblings "Dangerous"

It is Sunday Scribblings time again. This week we are asked to write about the word "Dangerous".
Dangerous to me, in fact all wimps like me is procrastination and the fear of what might happen. Dangerous to me is the result of sitting on your hands for fear of what stepping up to the plate will bring and the eventual result of that fear .......missing out.
I have always been a timid person. I know it has held me back and now I see the consequences of my fear. I am living in a city that I have come to love. I should have moved here years ago but I was scared. Now because of fear I have no home. Well....yes I have a home but it is not mine. No patch of dirt to dig in that belongs to me, to plant and mold and personalize to the way I would love it to be.
I had that once. In a small town. I planted and dug and grew and made and molded it and loved the way I got to choose to feed my earth with organic food and minimal chemicals. I was looking after my own little patch of dirt and keeping it healthy. But the town was holding back others in my family. I have written in here before about how my son has moved forwards from his depression since we moved here. It has been magic for him.
We were split about moving as my daughter was still in school and didn't want to start all over again at a new school. So we stayed. House prices went up, and up in the city. Went up to absolutely ridiculous levels and priced us out of the market. Up 19% just this year. Now we are too close to retirement age to pay anything off and still have money to live on for everyday needs. So no house in Canberra. No patch of dirt to dig in, I so miss that. Getting my hands into the earth is an important thing for me, a part of me. My gardening and my pottery.
I often look through websites at the prices of houses and going backwards to that little town seems an affordable alternative, but then I will not have the services and opportunities that I enjoy here in Canberra. My son wants to stay here too.
My husband is a procrastinator like me. We don't know what to do, we know what we want but not how. I am scared to stick my neck out and get it chopped off. Scared to lose the money that we have from the sale of our old house. Scared to miss out.
All of our dreams of the life we would like to lead after retirement are going down the gurgler. I have had quite a few kicks in the gut since moving here but I really do like the place.
Our original idea for retirement was to have a base of operations, a modest home paid up , so that we could take our caravan and go out to experience the wonderful places this country has to offer. We wanted to be grey nomads, but with a home to return to. There are so many alternatives and ideas, but the danger is in sitting back and waiting and not jumping in while the iron is hot. Guilty. Guilty as charged. Scary dangerous stuff.

Other stuff this week.
In my rented house I have flowers again. The daffodils and jonquils are opening their pretty faces and looking towards to sun. The Daphne is all in bud and ready to burst open with its lively fragranced flowers. There are more camellias open on the bushes around the yard and all but the most stubborn of the leaves on the big oak tree on our block in Parker street are gone. The sulfur crested cockatoos are giving what is left a helping hand, but that tree is so big. I have most of the roses pruned. But not the ones that flowered the best, at the front right hand side of the house. I heard on the gardening show on the radio at the weekend that it is time to do them now. So I must get to it and finish them off. Not a chore a pleasure for me.
We had a bright sunny weekend, but the clouds are back today. The board at the side of the main road near here says that the water storage level in now over 62% Woo Hoo! Love it, and we are officially out of drought after ten years. Keep that rain coming mother earth, but please, please warm me up between showers with warm sunshine.
I had a nice morning on Friday. I met up for a talk and cuppa at the botanic gardens with an old work colleague who has moved to Canberra. I didn't know him that well before but liked him, I think he will be better here where he can be with people that are more like himself and accepting of his sexuality. He has a new partner and is happy.
The federal election was held over the weekend. As yet we don't know the final result. It looks as though Australia may have a hung parliament. Interesting stuff. And a big slap in the face from the voting public to the 2 leading parties. They were talking (as you would imagine) on the radio this morning and saying that there are a record number of informal votes this time. Deliberate of course. Yep! a BIG slap in the face for Julia Gillard and Tony Abbot the leaders of those 2 parties.
We got our electricity , gas and water bills last week. Adding up to $1700.00 bloody hell! Not nice. Especially as I am trying to save money to get up to Queensland for my sisters wedding at the end of October. I have already paid for the accommodation and have the money for the plane tickets for the 5 of us. Now the rest of what I can save is spending/play money. I can be determined when I want to. Just not brave.
I start cleaning another house next week so that will add a little to the coffers. Wednesday mornings are now full. Tuesday mornings, Marg's house to clean, Thursday morning Pottery at Watson Art center. So Monday mornings Sunday Scribblings time. Grins me. Hahaha.
That's all Folks!
Bye 'till next week.
Love Linda.


Winterwood said...

I love that term grey nomad... and hope to be one once hubby retires...better stop colouring my hair then! ( and go grey)lol!

jaerose said...

Oh Linda, life is so full of complicated decisions isn't it. I really feel for you and your sense of not having your own turf to dig in. I hope your sense of belonging in Canberra soon begins to over-ride the loss of your old house. Procrastination is a bugger! Maybe without a house to keep running you'll be able to get a huge RV to head off into your golden years in..Jae

Bernie said...

It is amazing the paths life takes us down ... I can totally relate to some of your story. The feat of what may happen has certainly kept me from moving in particular directions ... but then I think, best to make the best of what is!

Such a shame though that you're not able to have your own garden space ... my garden is my sanity saver and solace in the midst of life's turmoils!!

Thanks so much for dropping by my blog ... it's nice to find another Aussie! ... and yes I think I am that Bernadette from Facebook, although I'm not sure which garden page you've seen me on. Anyway, please do drop by and visit again ... and I will do the same!

gs batty said...

sorry it has taken me so long to read this post. I have been busy taking two writing classes and trying to add something to my book each day. I really understand "Scarry". Should I or shouldn't I. Damned if you do and damned if you don't.
I am thinking about applying for a job as a copy writer at a very cheap wage. If I get it I will struggle for money but I will be writing.

great post