Friday, 30 January 2009

Sunday Scribblings "Regrets"

Regrets, hmm regrets. Yep I have lots.
Mostly to do with my lack of self esteem holding me back.
I never could beat that one,
but I am trying.

Could haves,
Should haves,
Would haves,
Could not,
Should not,
Would not,
Did not.

If I was just a bit braver,
If I did not tell me
I would fail
so why bother trying
It is not worth the risk.

If fear did not beat bravery back,
If I did not give in to,
or myself,
or make excuses.

Where would I be now
I guess I will never know.

Not now.


So what have I been doing this week.
Working , sweating, sleeping , eating. All that boring stuff that pays for us to jump back on the merry-go- round and do it all again. Living.
It has been so hot here. I have been really feeling it and while I have been at work the perspiration has been pouring off me, a most uncomfortable and ugly occurrence.
Trying to sort the new school that we have been given to clean. I have not got it right yet but will learn it given time. It has only been 3 days so far. I hope my back can keep up when the weather starts to cool down again in a few months. The people there seem nice though. The school is spread across two sites and is quite a big one put together. At one of the schools they are still completing renovations that will add to our workload considerably when the work is finished. Meanwhile there is a lot or dust and mess to fix up. We have not yet restarted the 2 other schools that we normally do because school in this state does not resume until next week. The new school is over the border in Queanbeyan.
I was a bit disappointed tonight, my boss took the boys out for dinner and drinks and I was sort of uninvited because I am older and the only female. They said I could come if I wanted to, but they were not encouraging. I know that logically they would have been happier without me (boys night out) and I probably would have been out of place if I had gone but it would have been nice to be included just the same. I said no for those reasons anyway. Why would a 49 yr old woman want to go out with a group of young blokes?
Chris, one of the blokes passed out at work today from heat exhaustion. He was on the carpet steam cleaning machine, but he was o.k tonight. I am sure that I didn't suffer as much as this when I lived in Junee, the heat is drier there even thought the thermometer shows a higher reading than here in Canberra. They are having temps of above 40 Celsius there. We have been in the high 30's here but with more humidity. We are just starting the hottest month of the year, with a vicious heat wave.
That is about all for tonight.
Love Linda.


Shadow said...

oh i hope the terrible heat passes for you soon... we've had a lovely break, 3 and a half days of rain and temperatures right down to cuddling at nighttime... it's been delightful.

i love the way you wrote your regrets! really nice!!

Sorrow said...

And here I was thinking that the summer can't come soon enough!
with freezing cold temps, and ice storms , and kids home from school, because of no power.
Trudging to the wood pile in the sleet to try and keep the house warm.
now there is a bit of a view!

anthonynorth said...

It is so difficult to get the balance right in what we do - almost as hard as the weather getting a decent balance.

Strawberry Swirl said...

Cherry Bomb first came out when you were a teenager?! Really?! Awesome!

Sorrow said...

You need to play in the mud!
do i need to ship you some Clay?
I know what it's like to be away from it to long!

Winterwood said...

if its any consolation Linda - were all suffering the heat here too at the mo - we are having the v hot hmid thundery type! sweaty weather!

Bimbimbie said...

Blimey Linda I thought you where looking into my mind when I read your regrets ... I was only saying to someone the other day I think I'm addicted to that horrible little four letter word fear. But take a bow to your bravery ... you wrote about it*!*

Beth said...

Hello, Linda. Your post still shows great perseverance and courage. I'll hope for cooler days for you and the day when the blokes will bring you along. Yes, it would have been nice to have been included. It's almost too easy to say, they're just blokes. Even going for "just one" could have helped break that barrier. Will they ask again?

A wildlife gardener said...

I sympathise with you, for I could not cope in such heat...

floreta said...

i also struggle with lack of self esteem.

Lilibeth said...

I read about the heat wave on the news. Seems strange to me because we missed school for a day this week because of an ice storm. Anyway, you might regret not having gone out with the young blokes, but you might have done something you would have, could have, should have regretted. lol.

latree said...

40 celcius? it is rainy here and I guess the temperature is below 20. come over to cool you self :D

Tumblewords: said...

In the midst of winter here, so it's hard to imagine how hot and uncomfortable you must be - your poem is a nicely handled narrative! Good post!

John Tran said...

I can't relate to the heat right now - it was minus 25 celcius here in Toronto today! Nice poem - my only comment is that it's never too late.

deepteshpoetry said...

Hi Linda

Nice 2 visit ur blog.I'm Deeptesh from Calcutta.Pls visit my blog as well and comment on my poems.

danni said...

your verse nailed things nicely - resonated strongly with me, feel like i've been there and done that if you know what i mean --- universal regret!!!

Patois said...

Thank goodness you don't regret hanging out with a bunch of young blokes!

I'm fortunate to not really regret much. Or maybe I'm just obstinate.

paisley said...

if you never try you will never know.. and if you try and fail,, so what,, more than likely you will be the only one that remembers it.... :)

Jennifer Hicks said...

lovely sentiments about regrets....

miss*R said...

Linda May.. it is so hot here too. I am hating it. It seems there is more to come this weekend.. even reaching as high as 45 in some parts. even heading for the hills won't work.. Katoomba is expecting 35!! unheard of.

stay cool - my friend Marion wets a teatowel and lays it across the back of her neck..she says it keeps the core temp down... I might try it.