Friday, 18 September 2009

Sunday Scribblings "Hungry"

It is Friday night, not Sunday, but I don't care.
I am hungry. Hungry to eat, to write, to be, to live, to participate.
She told herself." You have been a pig today!"
If you don't watch out you will be heading back to your old bad, bad, eating habits.
Not being able to tell yourself" No stop!" Well today she is there.
Every depleted fat cell screaming loudly, fill me back out again.
Every taste bud screaming "So bloody what, just have what you want".
Her head tells her to care, but the taste buds and the fat cells are winning.
Who cares what does it matter, nobody wants to look at you, nobody cares , nobody takes any notice. It is too late to care now. You will never beat this.
It is too late and you know they are watching.
They see you are regressing and putting on weight.
The clothes that you were so proud to shop for in a smaller size than you previously wore, may start to get tighter.
Today she ate 2 weet bix, a banana, a 2 chocolate bars, 3 biscuits, a cheese and bacon bun with ham and tomato, some blueberries. A serving of gnocchi with bacon, mushroom and tomato sauce, a handful of roasted almonds.
PIG! Pig!
Crazy Pig! She disgusts herself, but she can't stop it.
It has nothing to do with being hungry, we all know it doesn't, so why?
She is right off track after doing so well a few months ago and losing weight. Things have been not too bad up until now, but now..... it is like losing the plot.
It is not showing on the scales yet but if it keeps up it will be.
Don't try to tell her she is spoiled, selfish, indulgent, greedy. She knows it already.
Don't tell her she is lucky to have such an abundance of food and many many people around the world have too little, she knows all that.
Food is an addiction as nasty as any can be. Just as deadly too and as mind and soul destroying.
Sugar, fat, starches, salt.
Yeah I know , I know. Crazy bitch.
Where is your head. Not working obviously.
In Canberra, starting last weekend is Floriade, running for a month. The festival of spring that people from all over the place come to visit each year and marvel at over a million blooming tulips and our city park covered in flowers and tourists. Beautiful!
I went for a look last Sunday and they wouldn't let me in the gate because I had my little dog Rufus with me, no dogs allowed. Tomorrow I am taking time out from packing up house in preparation for the move next weekend and going back without my doggie so I will be certain to see everything. My next post will include pictures.
In the afternoon there is a free concert at stage 88 with Marcia Hines. She is a great singer.
Well I always liked her anyway. She has been entertaining us since the early 1970's when she came to Oz from the U.S. at the age of 16, won herself a part in Jesus Christ Superstar and stayed. Nowadays she is one of the judges in Australian Idol.
Pete is working, and Mike is definitely not interested in that type of music, so it is just me. I will enjoy the flowers, the displays, buskers and the concert all by myself. I went last year by myself as well. That is o.k. by myself is a good thing to learn and do. Sometimes, not all the time. But tomorrow I get to dawdle as slow as I want and nobody will get bored with it and pull faces that say "Oh.... Come On!" I will take the time to smell the flowers and soak up the sights, the atmosphere, watch the people and read all the sign boards. Use my five senses. Bliss!
That is all for tonight.
Love Linda.


Shadow said...

absolutely. you HAVE to stop and smell the roses.... have a good weekend dear linda.

and your hungry? is there a person in this world who hasn't had a conversation like that in their head before??? lucky ones they are. it sounds pretty familiar to me...

anthonynorth said...

I began to put on weight fast about 7 years ago. I sorted it out not by dieting, but rearranging how I eat, splitting it into 5 tea plate sized meals a day. The end result is I never feel hungry, never feel full. I've stuck to that plan ever since and my weight is fine.

gs batty said...

I do believe you were looking directly into my mine when you wrote about the hunger.

Enjoy the roses but do not eat them.

Old Grizz

gs batty said...

"looking into my mind" --typo

Serena Shay said...

Painful and insightful post on hunger! Nice job!

Heliotropism said...

When we starve ourselves, we tend to over indulge. Then we cannot stop even once we are full. The key is to feed ourselves a little throughout the day. This way the metabolism is constantly working AND we are never hungry or completely full, just satisfied. This can be true for anything in our life beyond food.

AND, those conversations-we all have them with ourselves, LOL.

keiths ramblings said...

If only food wasn't so nice!

jaerose said...

I love the opening two lines..being hungry to write, to live, to participate..excellent stuff :)

Dee Martin said...

that food addiction is rough and the withdrawals are rougher. Glad you are having a weekend adventure - it all looks lovely (I already peeked ahead)

Jane Doe said...

Food is an addiction as much as coke and crack can be. I fight with that addiction every day.