Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Today I am not strong.
I am .....
I don't know.
going backwards,
writing long letters
that will never be read
by their intended recipient
because they will never be presented.
wondering about the answer
not knowing if they are the right answers
or just a placate.
Am I right
or am I wrong,
What is right?
Bloody Hell!
How can someone have spent so many years with me and not know...me?
I think my motives are pure, and honest but
feel they are misconstrued
by the one I have depended upon for love and emotional support.
And given same to in return
I want to cry,
I want to tear my hair out
I want my heart to stop aching
I want my head to stop returning and rehashing my pain.
over and over again.
But it won't.
Will it ever go away?
Have I got what I want or need
not in this mindset.
Build a bridge,
I am trying but it is not the way I am wired.
Scared my state of mind will push him away.


Marguerite said...

Hi Linda,

I'm sorry for the pain & mental anguish you are experiencing right now. Hopefully the unsent letters will help you to sort out your feelings. Hugs & prayers.


Sorrow said...

Linda may,
when heart and head get into it, it's time for art therapy.
Can you?
Can you take some time for yourself, and be
in the mud,
and try and create.
I am so sad that you are so torn up..

Nana said...

We all have days like this, hun. Tomorrow will be better.

Nana said...

We all have days like this, hun. Tomorrow will be better.

*~sis~* said...

the never knowing of right or wrong is always the dilemma. be true to yourself...

ChefDruck said...

what a powerful poem. I hope the catharsis of writing the letters will help you through your pain.

Pearl said...

Hi, Linda, thanks for visiting my blog & leaving a lovely comment.
You have a lovely talent with writing words, this is just how I felt a while ago.

Mountain Mama said...

Oh my goodness. This is a hurting heart.
I pray you will soon be comforted and the pain will ease.

Old Grizz said...

I can only guess what may have caused your pain. I feel your pain though our writing and I want to reach across the ocean and give you support. Writing your letters is a great help. They do not have to be read, in fact it really helps to write them and burn them. I have had some painful experiences and talking with those that had similar experiences helped me. May god be with you in your time of pain. My heart is with you

Meg said...

beautifully written. Very authentic and powerful. and I have lots of days like this too... ugh... -Meg

Tammie Lee said...

You have expressed pain that so many of us have felt, you have expressed it so well! If this is a true tale, may grace guide you each step of the way, and like *~sis~* said "be true to yourself"

Merle said...

Dear Linda ~~ I am so sorry you are still feeling so hurt, but please try to shake it off. Can you write such great poetry about happier things? Or does it have to be in Pain
that the words come?
I had a wonderful week. I smiled at having the same smile as Kathy as she
is adopted and so is my other daughter Julie, and also Geoff. I had a really good week and Ben GD from Qld went home on Saturday.
Take great care dear Linda. So
many of us love you and care about you. Love, Merle.