Saturday, 21 March 2009

Sunday Scribblings "Where did you come from"

Well G'Day,
I am back after much turmoil and suffering over the last week and bit, but I am back. I want to do everything in my power to fix this.I pray it is what I think it is and is worth th ework that will be involved. I spent yesterday in my car traveling and overnight at The Bay in a caravan park unit. I walked for hours along the little crescent of sandy beach at the van park and had a terrible night. Awaiting a phone call that I sat up and sent messages for about 3 hours, until Pete finished work in the morning to find them. Morning bought some clarity and I am trying to fix this, with conditions, of course. I have been so up, down, crazy and agonized by this situation and have laid down my cards.
Anyway the Sunday Scribblings prompt.

I am from the muddy Murrumbidgee where the water meets the clay bank.
I am from the shore where the water meets the sands.
I am from the silent creek beds in the forrest where the earth holds back the water.
I am Australian
I am from the earth.
I will return to the earth.
But not yet.....

Yesterday and last night as I walked the shores of the Bay this is what I thought of and went back to the unit where I was staying to write this down. Not with the thought of putting it here on my blog but just for myself because I need to get back to being my creative self which I have lost so much of lately but need to find again.
I liked the first one better than the second, because the second little poem, if I have the right to call it that, has something wrong with the last two lines. Comments appreciated please. I don't pretend to be a poet but sometimes these bits come from me.

First one is...

Silicates and Calcium Carbonate
All worn and broken down
Still existing
Together in the sands.

Second one is....

The Bay.

Brown, pink, red and green
And all shades in between
Strings of pearls, ribbons, leather and lace
From the gardens of the sea
Little plants with buoyed floats
Detritus collected there
Heal on heel, go for miles
Along the pale fine sand
Where the sea comes to land.

Other than that on my mind and in my heart is Elizabeth Brown, or Palmer whatever her title was. She has been walking beside me this past week. She is my great great grandmother and I feel that there is a special link between us. She was an aboriginal lady from near Grenfell, as far as I know, so that probably makes her a part of the Wiradjiri clan, I don't really know because I don't know enough of her story, her husband was 1st generation Aussie born from convict stock.. So that makes me 6Th generation on my Dad's side of the family but if you consider Elizabeth then possibly countless generations of my bloodline in this country.
I have been thinking about the horrors and agonies she must have suffered being part of Australian society well over a hundred years ago now. But she was a survivor by leading the life she had to and I have some of her Genes. Sort of fits the prompt this week eh? She had many children who where taken from her just because they were aboriginal and of mixed blood as part of what is known as the white Australia policy. I am the end result of that cruel and deliberate attempt by the govt of the day to remove all traces of the indigenous peoples of this country, by forbidding, slaughtering and removing the culture and deliberately breeding it out with white blood. The other mix within my blood comes mostly from my father's English ancestors, with a bit of Scots and Welsh thrown in on top from my mother's side. My aboriginal genes are but a small part of my make up .But sometimes I feel them strongly in my connectedness to the land. I spent a lot of time during last week in Wagga sitting by the Murrumbidgee river at Wiradjiri reserve. One of my special places. I have posted in here about this place before, but a long time ago now.
Next weekend I am going to Wagga to a workshop on masks and busts. I have thought of an idea using my imagined image of Elizabeth for the mask, but with her eyes closed and no mouth and gum leaves partially covering her face. Very symbolic. I have it in my mind. If I can make it work I guess a pic will eventually turn up here on my blog some time or other in the future.
That's all this post.
Love Linda.


anthonynorth said...

You're going through a bad time. Hold on there. We'll be thinking of you.

Linda Jacobs said...

Oh, Linda, no man is worth the pain he's put you through! Get rid of the asshole and get on with your own life! You are a loving, creative, independent woman who does not need this in her life! Sorry to be so blunt but you deserve better!

Sending waves and waves of strength your way!

Tumblewords: said...

Your poetry and story of your great great gran is special. She offers much strength. I really enjoyed this!

Jay said...

Being new to Sunday Scribblings I don't know your whole story, but have read enough to know that you're going through a very tough time right now.

Your great-great-grandmother must have been a very strong woman, and you feel the connection with her - that probably means you have inherited her strength and her resilience. I'm sure that there were times that she despaired, and felt as if life wasn't worth living, but she soldiered on, and so will you.

I'm glad that you have decided to let your creative side out. It can be very therapeutic. I like your little poems, the first one, particularly.

Giggles said...

I couldn't help but read more of your blog after this post. The poetry is lovely, your story is sad. What Linda said is so right. No man is worth that pain. You may not see it now, but I promise it will get better. I can attest to that... after a 25 year relationship, I have been on my own going on 13 years and I love it!!

Big hugs to you

keith hillman said...

Since I've been alone I have come alive.I wish I'd done it earlier. Good luck.

danni said...

every single person deserves respect, not to be debased - please don't lose respect for yourself as you make your way through such a difficult time and make the necessary decisions --- i've been in a relationship where i was valued far less than i ought to have been, and when i look back at my efforts to maintain i am ashamed that i didn't value myself, either --- your verses are wonderful, i lean more to the last one with the colour and imagery ---

Tammy said...

G'day, Your poetry came from the heart, my favorite kind. You deserve all good things. Beautiful

Merle said...

Dear Linda ~~ I am so very sorry that you are having a really bad time at present. I haven't been very well for a few weeks and then was in an accident, just starting to feel good again. So I didn't know your life was in a mess. I wish every good thing for you dear friend in whatever you decide to do. Please do not ever try to take your life again ~~ there are always options much better than that. Take great care, dear Linda. Love you, Merle.x x