I am back in Canberra. I came back last night because I thought well that is it, I will go and pack the rest of my clothes, the furniture has to come later, I have nowhere to put that yet.. Pete and I spent the night together last night, went to the pictures and saw slum dog millionaire. I love him but I am so scared to put myself up to be shit on again. Maybe we should not have been together last night but maybe there is some hope. There will have to be a big big change, on his part as well as mine. I know I am jealous and possessive of him. When a woman loves she wants every little part of that person, plus ,my parents marriage was also unfaithful on my fathers behalf so I know I have a lot of hang ups and insecurities because of that. I still don't think I have been unfair in wanting that. There are no jobs at Junee hosp at the moment but the girls want me back and are going to ring as soon as something is advertised.I have applied for a ward assistants job at Wagga hosp. and it is 78hrs per fortnight, so that is pretty good, If I can get that I will take it. It sounds pretty easy and nothing I could not handle nor have done before. There are a couple of others but those have less hrs , a patient transport driver and a sterilizing assistant, both good, but I would have to do courses and a bit of updating and learning to do them and I don't feel confident of that.
Peter has agreed to arrange counselling for us and I will travel back to Canberra for that if I can do so without damaging my chances at this job if I get it.
Peter's sister Maureen has been wonderful to me so has the lady at the women's health centre in Wagga. I am to see another person there on Monday. She saved my life when I had put all the plans in place to end it, I have been crazy. My Junee friends are there for me and so is my beloved birthday and potting buddy in Wagga, Kath. I have missed them all so much and need to be with them. Kath has rejoined me to the potters club in Wagga and there is a 2 day workshop next weekend, masks and busts. I am so looking forwards to that and I already know what I want to make for the mask part. In my head anyway.
I have had not one friend here in Canberra that I could talk to or fall back on, but I know that is my own fault too because friendships are something you have to pursue and spend time on and I have never been one to do that, even though I have had several chances of that here. I was too busy looking after Mum and Michael and Pete and home and pets and, and,,,,.
Anyway I am going back to Wagga today, or maybe extending and traveling a bit on the way back and spending a night somewhere along the way.
I will eventualy get back here to blog again, don't know when but it probably won't be regular because it will have to be on someone else's computer. There are lots more stories to tell here about the good and kind people who have helped me over the last week, the world is full of good people.
David my son has given me a mobile phone that I have been trying to desperately learn. It is wrapped in a sheet of paper with picture and written info that I wrote myself so that I could understand it. He he.I always refused to have one before but now it is becoming my lifeline.