Sunday, 25 October 2009

Sunday Scribblings "Shame"

Lizzy home and friend.
You can just see in the second picture Lizzy running for cover into it's home in the rocks.

The Sunday Scribblings prompt this week is shame.
I thought about it last night and again laying in bed this morning.
Shame is;
Having influence on the ideas and ideals of others and not using it kindly or correctly.
Bought about by not living up to the norms that are enforced on us by others, self or the media.
Enhancing or giving the truth with a twist.
Not recognizing the last comment or lying to yourself about it.
Failing to follow the personal credo you have given yourself to live by.
Remembering a time when you didn't do the above.
Something that others give to you to keep you under their control.
Not being in control and facing the consequences.
Lots more than this too......
I could give examples for each of the points above and more from my own life experience and my observations of others.
The very first time I can remember feeling shame was when I was probably 4 years old. The boy who lived next door to us was a little monster who constantly pinched and poked and hit me when ever no one was looking. One day I lost my temper with him and picked up a plank of wood then hit him in the head with it. Boy did I get in trouble for that one. I couldn't understand that he was allowed to treat me that way but I was not allowed to loose my temper back at him. As a 4 yr old I didn't separate the ideas of anger payback and self control.
Other things I am ashamed of are that I yelled and screamed at my kids when they were little. My second 2 kids would do what they were told and were reasonably easy to get along with but my eldest was a challenge. He would stand up and yell right back in my face and never give an inch. Wonder where he got that from? Hehehehe. Stubbornness may be a bit of a family trait. I never did that to my parents though. My eldest is now probably the closest of my children to me. I guess all that boils down to me admitting that my temper is the personality trait I am most ashamed of. Throughout my whole life I have completely lost my temper, enough times to count on one hand. At the time you are quite pleased that you stood up for yourself, but then later you are not. You know when you have gone too far, then you have to take the consequences. It takes a long time for me to work up to that state but when I do , people move. Basically I am a wimp, about confrontation, well, most of the time anyway. But, I won't be pushed or bullied for long before I crack. I do lots of dumb things I am ashamed of myself for doing later, but seem quite reasonable in the heat of the moment.
This subject seems to be expanding as I write and I want to add more anecdotes as I remember them.
Like the time when I was in primary school and the teacher was bullying a student who could not spell a simple word. She asked me to go next door to the class of younger pupils and get one of them to come in and show this kid how to spell the word. I was so proud she had asked me to do a message, I felt important. Then I did the message and on the way back to the classroom I told the younger kid how to spell the word. I got in trouble for that. Foiled the cruel game by the teacher though.
Or the time when I bought home a eastern long necked turtle on one of my wanderings that I had found in a dam. The lady next door went crook on me for taking it out of the wild. I felt so bad and returned it. A lesson learned by a young animal lover.
In conclusion...............Maybe shame is a trait given us to teach us a lesson......................... Yes.

Yesterday Pete and I went to Wagga. Pete continued on to the aviation museum at Temora as they were having a flying day and he loves that stuff. I stayed in Wagga to do some gardening at (my parents) my old family home where my son and daughter are now living. My second son now thinks of the house as his. He has been living there for about 4 years now and is in the process of designing and installing a new kitchen. We went down the street and bought a great gas oven. It was originally $5,500 worth of goods but we got it for less than half price . It included the cook top, oven, range hood and a stainless steel cabinet for it to go into. Cool eh! It was the last of its kind and reduced down to get rid of it.
I also broke up the soil, fertilized mulched and replanted the garden bed along the front fence, then moved a few other plants around the yard. Should be good, if he bloody well remembers to water it this time and doesn't let it all die. When we were younger and living there, my Mum had a reasonable garden growing. Most of that had been let go. I tried to choose tough plants that don't need much care once they are established. Lets hope.
Out the front yard here where we are living now I discovered a big termite nest. I think it is a termite nest. I was weeding in the front garden bed this morning when I noticed the old prunus tree was rotten looking in the middle. I tapped it and a bit of wood broke away to reveal a hole below the tree. I put the hose in it and it took probably 10 minutes for the water to come to the top and then it started running out through some small holes that I thought were ant holes further down the yard, about 6 ft away. Oh oh.
We have a house inspection on Tuesday so I will show the real estate people when they come here. The poor owner is not going to like me, because if it is a termite nest it will cost him money to get it attended to. I hope they are not eating the house as well. Apart from that the curtains in the house are so old that they are starting to disintegrate when you touch them. Nope! my new land lord is really not going to like me.
We also have a friend here. There is a good size blue tongue lizard living in the garden edging in the front garden bed. I have not seen many this big so it must be fairly old and living here for a long time. The pictures up the top of this post show his/ her home and a close up of it having a sunbath. Isn't it a lovely critter. This one is about 14 inches top to tail. Cool. What should I name her/ him. Larry, Lizzy, Lorne or Lucy? Hehehehehehe. Love it.
I hope if the hole at the bottom of the tree out the front is a termite hole that the treatment it needs doesn't harm my lizard friend.
Blue tongues are harmless, they do have a dark blue tongue, hence the name, they eat snails and slugs and bugs so they are good to have in the garden, they puff themselves up like the one in the picture above is doing to make themselves look bigger and more fierce when they are scared. Lots of people keep them in tanks as exotic pets but you have to have a license to keep them. We have to keep an eye out for it and make sure Rufus does not discover it when he goes out the front yard.
Love Linda.


Anonymous said...

Lizzy is too huge,i have tough time with small ones here.

Very interesting capture of anecdotes.Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

The part where u speak of not being able to control your anger is so true.
Esp this----"At the time you are quite pleased that you stood up for yourself, but then later you are not. You know when you have gone too far, then you have to take the consequences."

But i always feel its better to have told your point of view than being quiet.

Thanks for sharing linda.. take care.

Shadow said...

ooooooh, nice pet.... but i'd be wary of it....

"not living up to the norms that are enforced on us by others" and this i think is the crux of it. well written.

gs batty said... the way you put your personal heart and soul into your writing. Your blog is always fun to read.

Tumblewords: said...

As always, an interesting read. Your take on the prompt is a good one!

Patois said...

I do think that shame is a trait we have to learn, but it's such a damn harsh trait.

Heliotropism said...

I think that this point: Having influence on the ideas and ideals of others and not using it kindly or correctly... is a very accurate depiction of shame!

Shame is so many things and you did a great job of displaying it.

Dee Martin said...

Great list of all the things shame is. I also love visiting to see your pictures :)

Jeremy said...

nice flow of writings.great read..

Jeeves said...

shame is a trait given us to teach us a lesson

Thats a brilliant summing up

Granny Smith said...

This is rich in anecdotal illustrations of your theme. You are so generous in sharing so much of your life with us. BTW I love lizards! They are so graceful and agile.

Jaime said...

If there are any events I am ashamed of, most would have to be the things I did in anger. (The others being things I did out of stupidity...) Well said.

A wildlife gardener said...

A very honest account of what it's like to grow up...we all make mistakes, and acknowledging them is halfway to controlling them, I think.

Thank you, once again, for my blogging award. I have now posted about it :)

spottedwolf said...

That blue tongue lizard is a great totem for your 'anger spirit' as a guide what with all puffed up when it gets scared like its gonna explode. :-)~

Don't be so harsh on yourself Lin.....nobody has the corner on childhood or parenthood. Shame is one of the most false and contrived social behavior expressions that exists in every culture of the world. It is learned by trying to understand what is expected of us and being admonished for not satisfying the other's demand. We learn it long before we have the wherewithall to question the motif, the behavior. Every child who puts up with bullying learns it from its parents whether the adult recognizes this or not. Each of us have the natural right to defend ourselves without remorse....but we rarely get instructed this properly.....especially this day and age of so much pandering to political correctness. Bah !! I'll raise a kid to respect themself first and expect the same from all others before I'd ever settle for politically correct behavior. The 'leftovers' of emotional savagery can be far more damaging.

Americanising Desi said...

i m so deeply moved!

Shame on me

Merle said...

Dear Linda ~~ A great post and lots of memories there. Sorry I haven't been by as often, but thank you for your comments and the jokes you send me. Glad you liked the photos of
Kathy and family, the sweet peas etc
I am sorry you don't have an air conditioner, because there will be a lot of heat ahead of us. I love a trip to Bunnings, and never come out empty-handed. Take care, my friend,
Love, Merle.